I have started to have a little bit of nausea in the last few days, but it comes and goes. There are other symptoms I am dealing with, too. They all kind of suck, but at the same time, I freak out every time any of them go away. All of my symptoms vanished right before I lost the last pregnancy, so I'm kind of terrified of that happening again. I would rather be sick all day than wonder if it just disappeared again. I know I will feel much better after my ultrasound next Thursday, but that is still 10 days away, which is like 1 million years to me.
My doctor told me I didn't need another beta level, because mine was so high, but I have been fighting off the urge to waste the gas driving to Layton to get one drawn anyway. I haven't had any signs of miscarrying, and the bleeding never came back after the first day, before the positive test, so I know I'm just freaking myself out. On Sunday, I just started freaking out for no reason. I was just crying and telling Austin I was so scared something bad was going to happen, even though I didn't have any reason to think that other than the fact that ONLY bad things have happened so far. He gave me a blessing and told me everything was going to be fine, and I instantly calmed down and my desire to skip going to church and drive straight to the Sandy Clinic and get a blood test right then went away.
Since then, I have tried to keep my anxiety levels under control, because I know its not good for the baby, but it is so hard. I just have to keep myself busy. Luckily we have a PuckerUp event Wed-Sat this week, so we will be pretty occupied. I sort of wish I could get the ultrasound moved sooner, but my doctor is going to be out of town the beginning of next week, and also, with me being 7 weeks by then, we should definitely be able to see the heartbeat. I think once I see that I will calm down a bit. I just need this first trimester or "danger period" to go very quickly.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Happy Beta Day
Today I had my first beta drawn. I am still waiting for them to call me, but the result was just posted to my online portal and it is a nice high 344! That is much higher than what I had the last time, so I feel like this one is much stronger. Hopefully, it continues on and we can get double that in a couple of days! I am officially pregnant, but I'm still just hoping and praying that it sticks.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Much needed update
I slacked big time in keeping up to date on this last cycle we went through. It was a combination of being completely exhausted pretty much the whole time (which only seems to be getting worse), having a lot of other stuff going on, and kind of emotionally enjoying flying under the radar with this one. Still, I need to make sure it gets documented.
We started our second IVF cycle on July 15. Things went along pretty much the same as last time, with nearly the same doses of medications. The only difference was we had a different doctor involved with Dr. S this time. Dr. Blauer was the one who was scheduled in the Sandy clinic for our weekend monitoring appointments, and also did both our retrieval and transfer. Dr. S really wanted to be the one to do them, but I didn't end up falling on his days, so it ended up being Dr. B. I liked him pretty well, but Austin says he likes Dr. Hatasaka the best. There is only one more doctor at the clinic that we haven't met yet. Needless to say, I'm getting more comfortable with everyone and their assistants in the room while my legs are up in the air.
Anyway, this time, we used the same protocol and nearly the same dosages, but only retrieved 3 eggs. (Recall, our numbers from last time were 10 eggs, 9 mature, 6 fertilized, and 2 "excellents" implanted...none to freeze). I was kind of thinking I wouldn't be surprised if we got nothing to implant, because something just kind of seemed off about this cycle. I tried not to voice my negative opinions, but I told Austin I didn't feel like this was the one. However, the next day they called to tell us that all 3 of the eggs they retrieved were mature and fertilized normally. That was somewhat encouraging. They planned a 3-day transfer, which fell on Monday the 29th. When we got down there, they told us the grading of the embryos was one 12-cell good+, one 9-cell fair+, and an 8-cell fair to fair+. Dr. B let us decide how many of the 3 we wanted to implant. He said he wouldn't recommend implanting all 3, but that since the last time didn't work, he wouldn't think it would be TOO high risk. In the end, we decided we would give all 3 a chance. I didn't want to go through a frozen cycle for one embryo that might not even make it to unfreeze, so I just said, let's go for it!
The 2-week wait has been exhausting. I have been so tired the whole time, but other than that, I didn't get any of the pregnancy symptoms I did last time. Last time, I was starving ALL the time, and sick to my stomach anytime I wasn't eating. This time I don't feel the same way. Then, on Wednesday, I started bleeding quite a bit, but it only lasted for about 10 minutes. I thought, well that's that, its over...on to round 3. The sporadic bleeding is probably related to the progesterone. I told Austin and he was upset, but he already knew I didn't think this one would work, so he kind of let it go.
Then, when I told him I never started bleeding again, he started getting his hopes up. I didn't want him to get crushed when we went to get the blood work on Monday, so I went to the store and got one of those dollar pregnancy tests just to prove to him that there was nothing to be hopeful about. I peed on the thing and handed it to him and said see! Not pregnant. But he was like, it looks like a plus to me! So I looked at it again, and sure enough, I could see a plus sign too. I told him we were probably imagining it though, so we went back to the store and bought the digital kind. They are way more definite. Pregnant or not pregnant. None of this "do I see a line or not???" Anyway, I brought it home and peed on that one. Sure enough, it said pregnant too.
Well, I guess my plan to prove Austin wrong backfired. Oh well! I'll take it. Now, we're anxiously awaiting Monday to get the blood test and see if it is really going to stick this time or if we're going to have a repeat of last time. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but its hard to wait until its "safe" to get excited.
I am so grateful for all of the people who are fasting and praying for us. I know there are a LOT! I really realize how many people care about me now. I have tons of family rooting for us, of course, but I also have neighbors, ward friends, and other friends who have all told us about family fasts and praying they have been doing for us. Its kind of overwhelming. I am sure that helps more than anything I do alone. My emotions and faith are on a roller coaster right now, so its nice to have a strong backup of people who remind me to have faith in the Lord's plan.
We started our second IVF cycle on July 15. Things went along pretty much the same as last time, with nearly the same doses of medications. The only difference was we had a different doctor involved with Dr. S this time. Dr. Blauer was the one who was scheduled in the Sandy clinic for our weekend monitoring appointments, and also did both our retrieval and transfer. Dr. S really wanted to be the one to do them, but I didn't end up falling on his days, so it ended up being Dr. B. I liked him pretty well, but Austin says he likes Dr. Hatasaka the best. There is only one more doctor at the clinic that we haven't met yet. Needless to say, I'm getting more comfortable with everyone and their assistants in the room while my legs are up in the air.
Anyway, this time, we used the same protocol and nearly the same dosages, but only retrieved 3 eggs. (Recall, our numbers from last time were 10 eggs, 9 mature, 6 fertilized, and 2 "excellents" implanted...none to freeze). I was kind of thinking I wouldn't be surprised if we got nothing to implant, because something just kind of seemed off about this cycle. I tried not to voice my negative opinions, but I told Austin I didn't feel like this was the one. However, the next day they called to tell us that all 3 of the eggs they retrieved were mature and fertilized normally. That was somewhat encouraging. They planned a 3-day transfer, which fell on Monday the 29th. When we got down there, they told us the grading of the embryos was one 12-cell good+, one 9-cell fair+, and an 8-cell fair to fair+. Dr. B let us decide how many of the 3 we wanted to implant. He said he wouldn't recommend implanting all 3, but that since the last time didn't work, he wouldn't think it would be TOO high risk. In the end, we decided we would give all 3 a chance. I didn't want to go through a frozen cycle for one embryo that might not even make it to unfreeze, so I just said, let's go for it!
The 2-week wait has been exhausting. I have been so tired the whole time, but other than that, I didn't get any of the pregnancy symptoms I did last time. Last time, I was starving ALL the time, and sick to my stomach anytime I wasn't eating. This time I don't feel the same way. Then, on Wednesday, I started bleeding quite a bit, but it only lasted for about 10 minutes. I thought, well that's that, its over...on to round 3. The sporadic bleeding is probably related to the progesterone. I told Austin and he was upset, but he already knew I didn't think this one would work, so he kind of let it go.
Then, when I told him I never started bleeding again, he started getting his hopes up. I didn't want him to get crushed when we went to get the blood work on Monday, so I went to the store and got one of those dollar pregnancy tests just to prove to him that there was nothing to be hopeful about. I peed on the thing and handed it to him and said see! Not pregnant. But he was like, it looks like a plus to me! So I looked at it again, and sure enough, I could see a plus sign too. I told him we were probably imagining it though, so we went back to the store and bought the digital kind. They are way more definite. Pregnant or not pregnant. None of this "do I see a line or not???" Anyway, I brought it home and peed on that one. Sure enough, it said pregnant too.
Well, I guess my plan to prove Austin wrong backfired. Oh well! I'll take it. Now, we're anxiously awaiting Monday to get the blood test and see if it is really going to stick this time or if we're going to have a repeat of last time. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but its hard to wait until its "safe" to get excited.
I am so grateful for all of the people who are fasting and praying for us. I know there are a LOT! I really realize how many people care about me now. I have tons of family rooting for us, of course, but I also have neighbors, ward friends, and other friends who have all told us about family fasts and praying they have been doing for us. Its kind of overwhelming. I am sure that helps more than anything I do alone. My emotions and faith are on a roller coaster right now, so its nice to have a strong backup of people who remind me to have faith in the Lord's plan.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Gratitude
I am not really sure what to write about on a blog. I never seem to have issues on what to talk about in person. However, posting things to the internet is not my forte. I suppose I could just write about what I talk and think about...
I often times wonder why I am so blessed in this life. There are many many people who don't have half of the blessings that I do and yet somehow they seem just as happy or happier. I have a beautiful, kind and loving wife who is so selfless and caring, that I am often left speechless, at how thoughtful she is. She is so supportive of me and everything that I do, that sometimes I wonder what I have done to deserve her in my life.
Through out this whole experience and trial that we are currently in, I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to live in a time that these treatments are even possible, and especially that we can be so blessed to be able to do them. The technology advancements and medical discoveries that exist simply amaze me, which is quite a feat. The ability of these doctors, and their supporting staff, to make this all possible is such a great blessing in our life. I am grateful for them and all of the many things that they do. Most of all, though, I am grateful for Heather and I hope that she knows that.
I hope that round 2 can be the one that we get our baby, and the many associated blessings and trials. I feel a strong feeling that this is what we are supposed to be doing, and that things will work for us. I know that it is hard at times to see through the trials that we have in life. Especially after what we have just gone through. However, I know that if we are obedient, faithful, and grateful for what we have, we will be blessed.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Round 2
My dad told me I needed to write down my feelings, so that I wouldn't forget how hard things are or try to diminish what I went through later when things turn out for the better. Right now, I am not sure that will ever happen. I have tried to sit down and write this all out for the past several weeks, but it was just easier to do other things. The first three days after we found out about the dropping beta were like limbo. The miscarriage hadn't started yet, so I kept hoping they would call me back and tell me there was a mixup and that was someone else's unfortunate result, and mine was fine...but I knew it wasn't true. I could tell all the pregnancy symptoms had vanished. When the miscarriage actually started, it was very painful. They said it might not be, since I wasn't very far along, but it was.
When we talked to Dr. S, he said he didn't know why I miscarried, but that it was probably a genetic problem with the embryos and probably wouldn't happen again. That didn't give me much comfort, because so far, all of those small percentage categories of awfulness I'm not supposed to be in...I have been in. He tried to be encouraging, saying in my case, implantation and actually getting pregnant is the hardest hurdle, and we made it there, so we can do it again. Its just so hard to have faith. Austin wanted to try again right away, though, so I agreed to give it another shot. Dr. S was going on vacation in June and we were going on the family reunion the beginning of July, so we all decided to wait 2 cycles, and start around the middle of July.
The next two weeks, I cried every single day. I was mostly able to keep it contained to my own house by myself or around Austin, but almost everything I had to do during those weeks was painful. By week 3, I was only crying some days, and the fourth week I didn't cry at all until someone casually asked me how I was at church and I just started bawling out of no where.
PuckerUp season started and I was grateful to be able to use that to distract myself for a few weekends, and next week we'll be leaving for the reunion, so that will be distracting as well. Everyone has been really supportive, and I hate to feel like such a mess, but I can't help it. Its hard not to feel like God is just playing with me. I feel like this is too much for me to handle, and then I feel guilty for not having more faith. I have a brother on a mission right now, and I didn't write to him this week, because I'm a slacker. But he wrote to my mom something after she complained that she was sick again, and it may as well have been to me. He said:
"Even though we have hard trials in life, would it really be easier to give up the faith than to put more faith in God? Many people think so, but in this church and this family, it will never be easier to give up the faith. So this only goes 2 ways. Are your trials building up your faith or tearing it down? Is your obedience to the laws of heaven inseparably connected with your love of Jesus Christ? Some things for everyone to think about."
I know that is true, but it doesn't make it any easier. I know the only way to get through this is my faith in my Heavenly Father, but I feel like he deserves the cold shoulder right now. I just have to believe that I don't understand the purpose of this trial YET. The alternative is unbearable.
For now, I am trying to distance myself from my emotions to get through another cycle. I called the clinic and got my meds ordered and my down payment for the next cycle put through. It is hard to have hope right now. I don't know if it is pessimistic or rational to reserve having hope until I've made it past a few more hurdles, but its what I'm having to do right now.
When we talked to Dr. S, he said he didn't know why I miscarried, but that it was probably a genetic problem with the embryos and probably wouldn't happen again. That didn't give me much comfort, because so far, all of those small percentage categories of awfulness I'm not supposed to be in...I have been in. He tried to be encouraging, saying in my case, implantation and actually getting pregnant is the hardest hurdle, and we made it there, so we can do it again. Its just so hard to have faith. Austin wanted to try again right away, though, so I agreed to give it another shot. Dr. S was going on vacation in June and we were going on the family reunion the beginning of July, so we all decided to wait 2 cycles, and start around the middle of July.
The next two weeks, I cried every single day. I was mostly able to keep it contained to my own house by myself or around Austin, but almost everything I had to do during those weeks was painful. By week 3, I was only crying some days, and the fourth week I didn't cry at all until someone casually asked me how I was at church and I just started bawling out of no where.
PuckerUp season started and I was grateful to be able to use that to distract myself for a few weekends, and next week we'll be leaving for the reunion, so that will be distracting as well. Everyone has been really supportive, and I hate to feel like such a mess, but I can't help it. Its hard not to feel like God is just playing with me. I feel like this is too much for me to handle, and then I feel guilty for not having more faith. I have a brother on a mission right now, and I didn't write to him this week, because I'm a slacker. But he wrote to my mom something after she complained that she was sick again, and it may as well have been to me. He said:
"Even though we have hard trials in life, would it really be easier to give up the faith than to put more faith in God? Many people think so, but in this church and this family, it will never be easier to give up the faith. So this only goes 2 ways. Are your trials building up your faith or tearing it down? Is your obedience to the laws of heaven inseparably connected with your love of Jesus Christ? Some things for everyone to think about."
I know that is true, but it doesn't make it any easier. I know the only way to get through this is my faith in my Heavenly Father, but I feel like he deserves the cold shoulder right now. I just have to believe that I don't understand the purpose of this trial YET. The alternative is unbearable.
For now, I am trying to distance myself from my emotions to get through another cycle. I called the clinic and got my meds ordered and my down payment for the next cycle put through. It is hard to have hope right now. I don't know if it is pessimistic or rational to reserve having hope until I've made it past a few more hurdles, but its what I'm having to do right now.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Fail
Just a quick update about what is going on. I will write more when I feel up to it. We got a positive pregnancy test last week, the first beta was good, and we were really happy. However, we decided to get a second beta today just to be safe, and the number had dropped drastically, which means miscarriage is inevitable. We're going to talk to the doctor next Monday and see what we're supposed to do next.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Just for the record
All the side effects I didn't have with the shots, I am now having with the progesterone. Conveniently, they are the same as pregnancy symptoms, so I can't tell if anything is going on. On the bright side, though, I could literally sleep through the next 9 days with no trouble. I am SO tired. But of course, I can't sleep at night. Then, I just thrash around a lot in that awkward, not-really-asleep mode. SUPER!
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
I'm waiting...I'm waiting
I can't believe its only been 3 days since my two little guys were implanted. I can already tell it is going to be a long 11 more days. The embryologist called today to tell me that none of the other embryos made it to day 6 to be frozen. That is what we expected, but its still sad. I am really hoping these two have what it takes to make it! I just hate that it takes so long to find out.
My grandma texted me at 3:20 a.m. to tell me that she just woke up and felt that the babies were implanting. She's been known to have dreams or wake up with feelings that are true, so I'm hoping that's so now. My mom also says she strongly feels them. Whatever happens, will be what the Lord wills though.
Austin took his second final today and then he has one on Friday. Then its summer! I am excited for that. Hopefully, I will just be spending it throwing up from morning sickness instead of going through more IVF treatments.
I really appreciate everyone who has sent me positive comments. It has really helped!
My grandma texted me at 3:20 a.m. to tell me that she just woke up and felt that the babies were implanting. She's been known to have dreams or wake up with feelings that are true, so I'm hoping that's so now. My mom also says she strongly feels them. Whatever happens, will be what the Lord wills though.
Austin took his second final today and then he has one on Friday. Then its summer! I am excited for that. Hopefully, I will just be spending it throwing up from morning sickness instead of going through more IVF treatments.
I really appreciate everyone who has sent me positive comments. It has really helped!
Monday, April 29, 2013
My Two PERFECT Little Ones
Today is the day after our embryo transfer. I would have updated yesterday, but they gave me Valium before the procedure, which I have never had before, and it made me floppy and tired, so I spent the rest of the day sleeping that off. Also, it didn't really even kick in until after the procedure was over, so I think if I had to do it again, I'd skip the Valium.
Anyways, we got to the clinic and the nurse explained all the stuff I'm supposed to do/not do after the procedure, and then the doctor came in. We had Dr. Hatasaka again. I like him a lot! He told us how our embryos had done in the last 3 days. He told us we had 2 excellent embryos, 2 fair, and 2 poor. He was really excited that we had 2 excellent ones. In the class we took before we started, they told everyone not to expect excellent embryos, because that hardly ever happens. The usually get goods and fairs. Dr. Hatasaka said they only see a few excellent ones a month at their clinic, so it was really awesome that two of ours were excellent. We decided we wanted to implant both of them, and Dr. Hatasaka explained the risks of twins, etc., which I said I was fine with. He said, "Okay with me. I don't have to raise them." Haha!
Then they took me back to the OR area where they set me up on the bed. Then the embryologist came out of the lab and gave me the picture of the two we were going to implant, and he explained what they look for when grading them. He said ours couldn't have been any better and he was really pleased with them. He said he went ahead and did the "assisted hatching" procedure, which just gives them a little better chance of attaching once they're in there.
They told us also about a study done in Egypt, where they injected a small amount of hCG into the uterus just prior to implanting the embryos, which kind of triggers a cascade response from the lining to get ready for the embryos. They said the study found a 10-11% increase in implantation that way, so they conducted the study here and found the same thing. We were like, yeah! We'll do whatever will increase our chances, so they did that first.
Then, the embryologist brought the dish with our babies in it over to the microscope, which projected to a big TV monitor. He made me check to make sure my name was on the dish and then showed us the two tiny dots that were my little 8-celled miracles. He zoomed in a bit and we could see them a little closer, and then we watched as he sucked them into a little catheter. He then brought that over to Dr. H, who put them into my uterus in the same place the hCG went. They checked the catheter after to make sure they had for sure gotten them in there, and then it was all over!
The whole thing was pretty simple, but just overwhelming at the same time. I am so grateful for the power of prayer and fasting, because I know the family fast we had before we started definitely made a difference. We have been surprising the doctors at every step, by getting better results than they anticipated! I am so excited to see what happens.
I have to wait 2 weeks to test, and they will do a beta a few days after that. Autumn pointed out that 2 weeks would be exactly Mother's Day. What a lovely present THAT would be!! I hope this works, but if it doesn't, at least I have been through the entire process and I know I could do it again. The first time is always the scariest, not knowing what each part will be like or do to your body. I am pleased to report that it was much easier than I anticipated. I am just a little wiped out from all the hormones, but not really any other side effects to report.
I am posting the picture they gave us at the clinic of our 2 perfect embryos. The little notches at the bottom are where they did the "assisted hatching."
Anyways, we got to the clinic and the nurse explained all the stuff I'm supposed to do/not do after the procedure, and then the doctor came in. We had Dr. Hatasaka again. I like him a lot! He told us how our embryos had done in the last 3 days. He told us we had 2 excellent embryos, 2 fair, and 2 poor. He was really excited that we had 2 excellent ones. In the class we took before we started, they told everyone not to expect excellent embryos, because that hardly ever happens. The usually get goods and fairs. Dr. Hatasaka said they only see a few excellent ones a month at their clinic, so it was really awesome that two of ours were excellent. We decided we wanted to implant both of them, and Dr. Hatasaka explained the risks of twins, etc., which I said I was fine with. He said, "Okay with me. I don't have to raise them." Haha!
Then they took me back to the OR area where they set me up on the bed. Then the embryologist came out of the lab and gave me the picture of the two we were going to implant, and he explained what they look for when grading them. He said ours couldn't have been any better and he was really pleased with them. He said he went ahead and did the "assisted hatching" procedure, which just gives them a little better chance of attaching once they're in there.
They told us also about a study done in Egypt, where they injected a small amount of hCG into the uterus just prior to implanting the embryos, which kind of triggers a cascade response from the lining to get ready for the embryos. They said the study found a 10-11% increase in implantation that way, so they conducted the study here and found the same thing. We were like, yeah! We'll do whatever will increase our chances, so they did that first.
Then, the embryologist brought the dish with our babies in it over to the microscope, which projected to a big TV monitor. He made me check to make sure my name was on the dish and then showed us the two tiny dots that were my little 8-celled miracles. He zoomed in a bit and we could see them a little closer, and then we watched as he sucked them into a little catheter. He then brought that over to Dr. H, who put them into my uterus in the same place the hCG went. They checked the catheter after to make sure they had for sure gotten them in there, and then it was all over!
The whole thing was pretty simple, but just overwhelming at the same time. I am so grateful for the power of prayer and fasting, because I know the family fast we had before we started definitely made a difference. We have been surprising the doctors at every step, by getting better results than they anticipated! I am so excited to see what happens.
I have to wait 2 weeks to test, and they will do a beta a few days after that. Autumn pointed out that 2 weeks would be exactly Mother's Day. What a lovely present THAT would be!! I hope this works, but if it doesn't, at least I have been through the entire process and I know I could do it again. The first time is always the scariest, not knowing what each part will be like or do to your body. I am pleased to report that it was much easier than I anticipated. I am just a little wiped out from all the hormones, but not really any other side effects to report.
I am posting the picture they gave us at the clinic of our 2 perfect embryos. The little notches at the bottom are where they did the "assisted hatching."
I am so proud of these little guys!! You can do it! I am rooting for both of you!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Fertility Report
I wanted to post this on Friday, when the clinic called me, but I went to Boise with my mom and it was a crazy, fun weekend. It honestly helped me keep my mind off of sitting at home worrying about my embryos!
Anyways, the fertilization report is:
10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized normally! That is more than we were told we would get, so I am very happy. Dr. S recommended a 3-day transfer still, since we only have 6 embryos and he didn't want to chance them not making it to day 5. We are heading down there in a few minutes to get transferred, so we will know more about how they are doing now! I am hopeful that they will all be healthy and we may get a couple or so to freeze, along with our transfer!
Anyways, the fertilization report is:
10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized normally! That is more than we were told we would get, so I am very happy. Dr. S recommended a 3-day transfer still, since we only have 6 embryos and he didn't want to chance them not making it to day 5. We are heading down there in a few minutes to get transferred, so we will know more about how they are doing now! I am hopeful that they will all be healthy and we may get a couple or so to freeze, along with our transfer!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Egg retrieval day
Today was my egg retrieval! Despite what the internet had to say about how awful it was, it really wasn't bad at all. This morning, I woke up WAY too early. I've been waking up earlier, just because of the sun coming up earlier lately, but it was still very much dark when my body decided I had had enough sleep. Probably just nervous or something. I got up and got ready, which didn't take much, since I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything and I also wasn't supposed to wear anything with a smell to it (lotion, hairspray, bodywash, perfume, etc).
We left a little early, so we could stop by my grandparents' house to drop off a birthday card for my grandpa. His birthday was yesterday. I wasn't sure how loopy I would be on the way home, so I wanted to make sure to get it there while still coherent. Of course, we woke grandma up, since it was only 8:30 and she likes to sleep in. I'm with her. When I get to retirement age, I will be sleeping in too. It was nice to chat with them for a while, even if Grandma did stress me out a little by telling me how hard it is to get an IV in her.
Then, we were off to the clinic. When we got there, they took Austin back to do his thing, but I'm not totally sure where. A couple minutes later, they had me go back and talk to the nurse. She went over everything to make sure we were all on the same page with what we were doing, and then told me what I was to do/expect afterwards. She made it sound just as terrifying as the internet did, so that was fun. Then, she took me to the recovery room where I got to change into a fun hospital gown and chill for a while. Austin came in a few minutes later. I made him take a picture with me, since I looked so cute:
Okay, I guess replace the word cute with pasty, and that is a bit more accurate.
After we were in the recovery area for like 3-4 minutes, Dr. Hatasaka came in and introduced himself and told us what he expected to get. I didn't know Dr. Swelstad wouldn't be doing my retrieval until we got there, but I was told it was a possibility, since I didn't start on a regular batch cycle (where they put everyone on birth control and start their stimulation the same day). Anyway, for the literally 30 seconds I talked to Dr. H, he seemed super nice. Then, I signed some paperwork for the anesthetist and he took me into the OR. That room is a bit intimidating, so I'm glad I don't remember much from there. The embryologist came out and introduced herself, though I do not remember what her name was. Luckily, she made dang sure she knew my name and my husband's name and that they were clearly marked on all of our stuff!
The anesthetist told me he was going to start the IV and that would be the worst part. He numbed my arm up a little first, so it didn't even hurt at all actually. The IV went in super quick and easy. The most stressful part for me about having an IV is just knowing there is something sticking into me. Some kind of irrational fear. So I was really glad that pretty much as soon as the IV was in, he started giving me the propofol and other lovely drugs. He said, "Okay, you're getting the good stuff now, so don't freak out if you start seeing tie dye flowers on the ceiling or something." And as soon as he said that, the lights started looking like they were on a treadmill, and I think I probably told them that.
Then....I was in the recovery room. The nurse told me it was over and I was like...no, we didn't start yet. Then I realized I was in the recovery room and Austin was there. I was like, "AUSTIN! How did I get in here???" The operating table is stationary, and the recovery bed was in the other room, so I was very concerned as to how I got from one room to the other. I don't know if I walked, someone wheeled me, or if they just carried me in there! Austin couldn't help me either, because they didn't bring him in until I was waking up, so he doesn't know how I got there either. Then, I told him like 5 times that the lights looked like there were on treadmills and then it was over.
I could feel the propofol wearing off. It is a very short-acting drug, and I was kind of sad, because it just feels so good. Luckily, the fentanyl and Demerol are not quite so short-acting. They are pain killers, but I still expected SOME pain. I kept pushing on my stomach and telling Austin I was sure we hadn't started yet, because it didn't even hurt. I'm just glad waking up, I wasn't as silly as Bo was when he woke up after his wisdom teeth. That made for seriously the most hilarious anesthesia video I have EVER seen. He thought he was in a war and was trying to shoot bad guys and go on "missions" all the way home, including telling my mom she was a Russian spy and everything. It was beyond hilarious. So, at least I didn't do that. Austin did take a picture of me all loopy though...thanks for that, Hon!
Yep, still pasty. Get that girl some lip gloss.
So, after the drugs started wearing off, we were allowed to have a juice box and leave. The report is they retrieved 10 eggs, but they won't know how many were mature until tomorrow. They are going to call me in the morning with how many were mature and how many fertilized. I expect 5 or so good ones. I would be happy with 5. Now we just have to pray they grow really well and make it to a 5-day transfer! The hard part is over now. You know, as long as you don't count sitting on your thumbs waiting around hard. Different hard, I guess!
I am now about 8-9 hours out from the surgery and I still feel pretty good. It actually hurt more to have my IUD put in, just for some comparison. I don't know if I still have some pain killer in my system or not, but if this is as bad as it gets, I can definitely handle it. Good job being wrong, Internet.
We left a little early, so we could stop by my grandparents' house to drop off a birthday card for my grandpa. His birthday was yesterday. I wasn't sure how loopy I would be on the way home, so I wanted to make sure to get it there while still coherent. Of course, we woke grandma up, since it was only 8:30 and she likes to sleep in. I'm with her. When I get to retirement age, I will be sleeping in too. It was nice to chat with them for a while, even if Grandma did stress me out a little by telling me how hard it is to get an IV in her.
Then, we were off to the clinic. When we got there, they took Austin back to do his thing, but I'm not totally sure where. A couple minutes later, they had me go back and talk to the nurse. She went over everything to make sure we were all on the same page with what we were doing, and then told me what I was to do/expect afterwards. She made it sound just as terrifying as the internet did, so that was fun. Then, she took me to the recovery room where I got to change into a fun hospital gown and chill for a while. Austin came in a few minutes later. I made him take a picture with me, since I looked so cute:
Okay, I guess replace the word cute with pasty, and that is a bit more accurate.
After we were in the recovery area for like 3-4 minutes, Dr. Hatasaka came in and introduced himself and told us what he expected to get. I didn't know Dr. Swelstad wouldn't be doing my retrieval until we got there, but I was told it was a possibility, since I didn't start on a regular batch cycle (where they put everyone on birth control and start their stimulation the same day). Anyway, for the literally 30 seconds I talked to Dr. H, he seemed super nice. Then, I signed some paperwork for the anesthetist and he took me into the OR. That room is a bit intimidating, so I'm glad I don't remember much from there. The embryologist came out and introduced herself, though I do not remember what her name was. Luckily, she made dang sure she knew my name and my husband's name and that they were clearly marked on all of our stuff!
The anesthetist told me he was going to start the IV and that would be the worst part. He numbed my arm up a little first, so it didn't even hurt at all actually. The IV went in super quick and easy. The most stressful part for me about having an IV is just knowing there is something sticking into me. Some kind of irrational fear. So I was really glad that pretty much as soon as the IV was in, he started giving me the propofol and other lovely drugs. He said, "Okay, you're getting the good stuff now, so don't freak out if you start seeing tie dye flowers on the ceiling or something." And as soon as he said that, the lights started looking like they were on a treadmill, and I think I probably told them that.
Then....I was in the recovery room. The nurse told me it was over and I was like...no, we didn't start yet. Then I realized I was in the recovery room and Austin was there. I was like, "AUSTIN! How did I get in here???" The operating table is stationary, and the recovery bed was in the other room, so I was very concerned as to how I got from one room to the other. I don't know if I walked, someone wheeled me, or if they just carried me in there! Austin couldn't help me either, because they didn't bring him in until I was waking up, so he doesn't know how I got there either. Then, I told him like 5 times that the lights looked like there were on treadmills and then it was over.
I could feel the propofol wearing off. It is a very short-acting drug, and I was kind of sad, because it just feels so good. Luckily, the fentanyl and Demerol are not quite so short-acting. They are pain killers, but I still expected SOME pain. I kept pushing on my stomach and telling Austin I was sure we hadn't started yet, because it didn't even hurt. I'm just glad waking up, I wasn't as silly as Bo was when he woke up after his wisdom teeth. That made for seriously the most hilarious anesthesia video I have EVER seen. He thought he was in a war and was trying to shoot bad guys and go on "missions" all the way home, including telling my mom she was a Russian spy and everything. It was beyond hilarious. So, at least I didn't do that. Austin did take a picture of me all loopy though...thanks for that, Hon!
Yep, still pasty. Get that girl some lip gloss.
So, after the drugs started wearing off, we were allowed to have a juice box and leave. The report is they retrieved 10 eggs, but they won't know how many were mature until tomorrow. They are going to call me in the morning with how many were mature and how many fertilized. I expect 5 or so good ones. I would be happy with 5. Now we just have to pray they grow really well and make it to a 5-day transfer! The hard part is over now. You know, as long as you don't count sitting on your thumbs waiting around hard. Different hard, I guess!
I am now about 8-9 hours out from the surgery and I still feel pretty good. It actually hurt more to have my IUD put in, just for some comparison. I don't know if I still have some pain killer in my system or not, but if this is as bad as it gets, I can definitely handle it. Good job being wrong, Internet.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
My first positive!
I had to upload this picture, because its the first.....and maybe only.....time I have ever seen one of these in real life! Unfortunately, its only because of the HCG trigger shot we took last night. They told me to test today just to make sure there is enough HCG in my system. I think its sort of mean of them, though. I've seen a whole bunch of these with only one line, so at least now I know my body is capable of making two lines happen!
Anyway, egg retrieval is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10:30. I have read some stories about clinics that don't put you all the way out and them screaming through the entire thing, so I am glad that mine has the anesthetist who comes in to do that. I imagine it will be somewhat like when I got my wisdom teeth out and I woke up at home with no knowledge of what happened. That would be ideal.
During the past couple of weeks since we started the IVF, I have felt super calm and hopeful, but today the nerves started to set in. I have been getting kind of anxious all day. I read that the egg retrieval is the most unpleasant part of this whole experience, so I am not looking forward to that. I am hoping for a quick, mostly painless recovery, because I am planning to spend the weekend in Boise with my mom. I am also worried that they won't get enough eggs, or once they get a look at them, there won't be enough mature ones. Or maybe, despite Dr. S saying he highly doubts it, I will have an egg quality issue and they won't fertilize. It is really the moment of truth tomorrow, because we find out what is really going on, instead of what we hope/think based on the ultrasounds.
Along with my trigger shot last night, Dr. S had me do an extra 2 vials of Bravelle, hoping it would encourage those smaller follicles to catch up a little bit. I am hoping for 6 good quality eggs, but I would be happy with 4-5. I am kind of jealous of the people who get 10-15 eggs, because I likely won't ever have that happen, but I know I'm doing the best I can with what I have. Dr. S says if everything in my body worked and responded the way it was supposed to, I probably wouldn't be here. That is true! I would be having my babies the regular way, instead of the high-tech way.
I have talked to Austin about this a lot, and we have kind of decided that some day we want to be able to give back and help someone else in this process somehow....maybe by setting up a grant or something. You know, once he finally graduates and all. Right now though, I have 12 vials of Bravelle left over and a few other things that I am hanging onto in case we need to do another cycle, but I will probably end up donating to the clinic/someone who needs it, if not. The nurses at the clinic said that donated medications can be a huge blessing to people who don't have the coverage I have. From what I can find, 12 vials of Bravelle runs about $5-600, so I can imagine that would be awfully helpful!
Well, here's to hoping tomorrow goes exactly the best it can go!
Monday, April 22, 2013
My lagging left ovary
Sunday, I went down to the Sandy Clinic for monitoring, because the Layton Clinic isn't open on Sundays. The blood work looks good, right where he wants it to be, but as of Sunday, I have 3 follicles that are bigger than the rest, meaning those are probably going to be my only 3 good eggs retrieved. He says if the others can catch up, we might be able to get a couple more out of them, but he didn't sound too confident about that. Also, he said he wanted to see me every day now.
That means today, I drove down to Layton again to do another scan, and have yet another blood draw. I'm really starting to look like a junky. For everyone keeping track, that is 5 blood draws JUST THIS WEEK, out of the same two veins, because apparently my right arm is not going to cooperate. I don't have too many irrational fears, mainly just spiders and needles. But after this experience, I'm pretty sure its just spiders. I'm becoming pro at needles whether I want to or not, between the lab work and the shots. I'm still not to the point where I could give myself the shot, but one step at a time, right? Plus, that's Austin's only job and he doesn't want to feel left out!
So today, the results were a bit the same. Estrogen looks good, but the 3 larger follicles are probably the only ones we will get. He says sometimes they can get a good egg out of a 13-14 mm follicle, so I am praying the 12s on the right kick it into gear. Dr. S says tomorrow is probably trigger day. Lets all pray really hard that the 12s on the left can make it to 14 by tomorrow. I still have about 12 follicles total, but only those 3 look like they will have good eggs. My egg retrieval score was 4 in the beginning, meaning that we would most likely get 0-4 eggs (they usually want to get 8-15), so I guess I will be happy with just 3. I had just hoped I would have enough to make it to a day 5 transfer. That means I need at least 6 good ones. I am just really pulling for those 3 good ones to do the best they can now, because we may not have many to choose from, and its looking like we may not get any to freeze.
I guess we can't let those 3 big ones get "too mature" while we let those others catch up. I don't know what that means....they start wearing lipstick at 9 and and start dating some guy with a motorcycle at 13? I guess that wouldn't be good! He's probably right.
That means today, I drove down to Layton again to do another scan, and have yet another blood draw. I'm really starting to look like a junky. For everyone keeping track, that is 5 blood draws JUST THIS WEEK, out of the same two veins, because apparently my right arm is not going to cooperate. I don't have too many irrational fears, mainly just spiders and needles. But after this experience, I'm pretty sure its just spiders. I'm becoming pro at needles whether I want to or not, between the lab work and the shots. I'm still not to the point where I could give myself the shot, but one step at a time, right? Plus, that's Austin's only job and he doesn't want to feel left out!
So today, the results were a bit the same. Estrogen looks good, but the 3 larger follicles are probably the only ones we will get. He says sometimes they can get a good egg out of a 13-14 mm follicle, so I am praying the 12s on the right kick it into gear. Dr. S says tomorrow is probably trigger day. Lets all pray really hard that the 12s on the left can make it to 14 by tomorrow. I still have about 12 follicles total, but only those 3 look like they will have good eggs. My egg retrieval score was 4 in the beginning, meaning that we would most likely get 0-4 eggs (they usually want to get 8-15), so I guess I will be happy with just 3. I had just hoped I would have enough to make it to a day 5 transfer. That means I need at least 6 good ones. I am just really pulling for those 3 good ones to do the best they can now, because we may not have many to choose from, and its looking like we may not get any to freeze.
I guess we can't let those 3 big ones get "too mature" while we let those others catch up. I don't know what that means....they start wearing lipstick at 9 and and start dating some guy with a motorcycle at 13? I guess that wouldn't be good! He's probably right.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
More pokes
Yesterday, I went back for my second ultrasound to check on how well my eggs are growing. Dr. S was able to find 10 follicles, 5 on each side, and they are all about the same size. He tells me that is good, because we want them all to get the same amount of hormone and grow at the same rate, which makes for good quality eggs. Also, the cyst we saw on the first ultrasound is collapsing and getting smaller, which means it was most likely a corpus luteal cyst (leftover from last month's ovulation), rather than an estrogen-producing (hormone hogging) cyst that would inhibit the other follicles from growing as well. All in all, I was happy with the news. I was hoping we would still have as many follicles as we started with, but either 4 decided not to join in the egg-growing fun, or we just couldn't see them on this ultrasound.
After the lab work came back, Nurse Amy called and told me to stay on the same 7 vials of Bravelle, but cut the HCG in half and add half saline water. Also, tonight I start on the Ganirelix, which keeps me from ovulating early. That can't be mixed with the other stuff, so I will end up with 2 shots for the next few days. Dr. S said he expected about 4 more days of shots before the HCG trigger shot, so about 9 days total, which is less than I was expecting. The shot last night stung a lot more than usual. I don't know if it is just because it was in a more tender spot, or if it was the extra salt from the saline solution.
Speaking of drawbacks/side effects to this whole process, I am happy to report that I thought this whole thing was going to be a lot worse. The shots aren't horrible, and while I still have to look away while Austin gives me the injection, I am not getting anxious at all anymore. The actual side effects from the hormones aren't bad at all either. Femara was worse than this as far as dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, etc., and Clomid was even worse than Femara. The shots haven't caused too much in the way of side effects at all so far. I did notice I got sick easier at the gym a couple times, but when you lift heavy that tends to happen anyway. I expect to be able to get a few more days in at the gym before I have to take it easy. I have heard that another side effect tends to be a bloated feeling, caused by your ovaries getting bigger. My follicles are now about 1 cm each, and there are 10 of them, so they are taking up about 10 cm more space than normal. That will at least double by the end of this. I can definitely feel them getting bigger, but it isn't painful and not even really what I would call uncomfortable. I am actually really pleased with the lack of side effects so far. That being said, and my lack of wood to knock on currently, I'll probably start having something horrible happen in the next day or so.
My dad did mention last night that he was a bit concerned that I was being so optimistic, and worried that if this first cycle didn't work out, I might be crushed. I get that as a valid concern, but I told him I felt like I was fully aware of the distinct possibility that this cycle won't work and we'll have to try again. However, I don't feel like the optimism is coming directly from me. It is more coming from my ability to see the Lord's hand in this. There have been far too many coincidences that led us to this time, this doctor, this insurance, and this specific cycle for me to ignore that. I do understand that this might be all to teach me something and I may have to go through more than one cycle, but I do know there is a baby waiting for us at the end of this and its hard to get discouraged by any setbacks or thoughts of multiple tries when you know that it will all work out how it is supposed to.
My dad also gave me a blessing before any of this started and among many wonderful things that were said, including promising that there are children in our future one way or another, he told me that I knew about and chose to accept this trial before I came to this earth, knowing full well how hard it would be and what was at the other end. That one thing sparked two separate emotions in me. On the one side, it made me aware of how strong I am and how strong my Heavenly Father knows I am to be able to go through this. It caused me to feel His love and pride in me that he knows what I am capable of. On the other side, it made me feel guilty for all the times I blamed God for being uncaring about what he was doing to me. If only I could have realized that I had an equal part to play in giving myself this trial! I must have known what growth it would inspire in me. Not even being all the way through it yet, I have already seen my compassion for others grow, as well as my closeness to my Heavenly Father as He blesses my life through this struggle. I know I had to work through many struggles earlier in my life, in order to really appreciate my husband, and I know this is the same. Not that I would ever take the miracle of a child for granted, but having to struggle to get those little spirits here, I have a new respect for the blessing that is motherhood.
I also want to mention that I know how much of a blessing it is to have my husband with me through this struggle. Because this problem, from what we can tell so far, is all because of my body problems, this would have been a situation I had to struggle through no matter who I had chosen for a mate. However, I know that Austin is the best person for me to be with, and that he would be the most complementary person for me to face life's challenges with. He is and has been my support and my strength through every challenge we have had to face since being married. Granted, this is the biggest struggle so far, but we have helped each other through many other things before this, and we will continue to do so in the future. He is the outlet for my frustrations when things don't go the way I planned (and anyone who knows me, knows I like to be in control in every situation, and I have little tolerance for surprises or setbacks to my "plan"). He is the voice of reason when I am sure each setback must be a sign for us to stop. He is there to hug me and comfort me when despair seems overwhelming. Also, he is the one I want to share every excitement and every joy with, every time something goes right or something falls into place. It reminds me how much of a blessing and design of the Lord it was for me to end up with him!
After all that rambling (I was just going to update on the doctor visit!), I have to conclude that yes, this may not work. It may take more than one try, but I'm ready for it. I know that I can do it now. That being said, I sure hope it works before we use up our entire insurance benefit!!
After the lab work came back, Nurse Amy called and told me to stay on the same 7 vials of Bravelle, but cut the HCG in half and add half saline water. Also, tonight I start on the Ganirelix, which keeps me from ovulating early. That can't be mixed with the other stuff, so I will end up with 2 shots for the next few days. Dr. S said he expected about 4 more days of shots before the HCG trigger shot, so about 9 days total, which is less than I was expecting. The shot last night stung a lot more than usual. I don't know if it is just because it was in a more tender spot, or if it was the extra salt from the saline solution.
Speaking of drawbacks/side effects to this whole process, I am happy to report that I thought this whole thing was going to be a lot worse. The shots aren't horrible, and while I still have to look away while Austin gives me the injection, I am not getting anxious at all anymore. The actual side effects from the hormones aren't bad at all either. Femara was worse than this as far as dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, etc., and Clomid was even worse than Femara. The shots haven't caused too much in the way of side effects at all so far. I did notice I got sick easier at the gym a couple times, but when you lift heavy that tends to happen anyway. I expect to be able to get a few more days in at the gym before I have to take it easy. I have heard that another side effect tends to be a bloated feeling, caused by your ovaries getting bigger. My follicles are now about 1 cm each, and there are 10 of them, so they are taking up about 10 cm more space than normal. That will at least double by the end of this. I can definitely feel them getting bigger, but it isn't painful and not even really what I would call uncomfortable. I am actually really pleased with the lack of side effects so far. That being said, and my lack of wood to knock on currently, I'll probably start having something horrible happen in the next day or so.
My dad did mention last night that he was a bit concerned that I was being so optimistic, and worried that if this first cycle didn't work out, I might be crushed. I get that as a valid concern, but I told him I felt like I was fully aware of the distinct possibility that this cycle won't work and we'll have to try again. However, I don't feel like the optimism is coming directly from me. It is more coming from my ability to see the Lord's hand in this. There have been far too many coincidences that led us to this time, this doctor, this insurance, and this specific cycle for me to ignore that. I do understand that this might be all to teach me something and I may have to go through more than one cycle, but I do know there is a baby waiting for us at the end of this and its hard to get discouraged by any setbacks or thoughts of multiple tries when you know that it will all work out how it is supposed to.
My dad also gave me a blessing before any of this started and among many wonderful things that were said, including promising that there are children in our future one way or another, he told me that I knew about and chose to accept this trial before I came to this earth, knowing full well how hard it would be and what was at the other end. That one thing sparked two separate emotions in me. On the one side, it made me aware of how strong I am and how strong my Heavenly Father knows I am to be able to go through this. It caused me to feel His love and pride in me that he knows what I am capable of. On the other side, it made me feel guilty for all the times I blamed God for being uncaring about what he was doing to me. If only I could have realized that I had an equal part to play in giving myself this trial! I must have known what growth it would inspire in me. Not even being all the way through it yet, I have already seen my compassion for others grow, as well as my closeness to my Heavenly Father as He blesses my life through this struggle. I know I had to work through many struggles earlier in my life, in order to really appreciate my husband, and I know this is the same. Not that I would ever take the miracle of a child for granted, but having to struggle to get those little spirits here, I have a new respect for the blessing that is motherhood.
I also want to mention that I know how much of a blessing it is to have my husband with me through this struggle. Because this problem, from what we can tell so far, is all because of my body problems, this would have been a situation I had to struggle through no matter who I had chosen for a mate. However, I know that Austin is the best person for me to be with, and that he would be the most complementary person for me to face life's challenges with. He is and has been my support and my strength through every challenge we have had to face since being married. Granted, this is the biggest struggle so far, but we have helped each other through many other things before this, and we will continue to do so in the future. He is the outlet for my frustrations when things don't go the way I planned (and anyone who knows me, knows I like to be in control in every situation, and I have little tolerance for surprises or setbacks to my "plan"). He is the voice of reason when I am sure each setback must be a sign for us to stop. He is there to hug me and comfort me when despair seems overwhelming. Also, he is the one I want to share every excitement and every joy with, every time something goes right or something falls into place. It reminds me how much of a blessing and design of the Lord it was for me to end up with him!
After all that rambling (I was just going to update on the doctor visit!), I have to conclude that yes, this may not work. It may take more than one try, but I'm ready for it. I know that I can do it now. That being said, I sure hope it works before we use up our entire insurance benefit!!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Finally getting somewhere
I should have posted this earlier, and I promised myself that I would document this every step of the way, so I would know exactly what I did in case I have to do it again, and so I could help others in the future, so I am sorry for neglecting my blog the last few days, when finally something is happening.
That being said. Today is the third day of my shots for my first round of IVF. My cycle started on Saturday night (Sunday being official day 1), so I called first thing Monday and got in. Anxiety started to set in as I waited for my appointment, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and cause us to delay yet another cycle. They took me right back when I arrived at the clinic, and I am always grateful for that. There is nothing worse on your nerves than hanging out in a waiting room before something this important. Dr. S did the baseline ultrasound...Left ovary looks good, 9 follicles! YAY! Then onto the right ovary, my heart sank as I saw the big cyst located there. I have had them monitored before, so I knew what I was looking for. Dr. S also looked concerned, but said maybe it was not producing estrogen (i.e. just a leftover cyst from where I had ovulated that month), and that we would check the blood work. If there was nothing wrong, I was to start my injections that night. Simple blood draw and I would be out of there.
I left the clinic not really relieved, but hopeful that we would not have to cancel. I told Austin what was going on and went home. I watched my phone anxiously for the next few hours, and as they went on and no phone call came by 5:00 p.m., I was ecstatic. That meant we could start my medications! I checked the online portal where the lab results are posted, and my estrogen level was 73.7. He said anything under 80 and I could start!
That night we mixed up 7 vials of the Bravelle medication and had our first attempt at injecting it. I can't watch the needle go into my skin, or I get sick, so I looked away while he did it. He got the needle in fast and painlessly, but then took FOREVER pushing in the meds. I don't know exactly how long it took, but I know I asked if it was over yet 5 times, so it was at least THAT long. It didn't hurt much, just stung a little. Way easier than I thought it would be. I just get anxious knowing there is a needle in me. The area of the shot (lower stomach fat) feels a little bruised, but it doesn't look bruised. We switched to the other side for yesterday's shot and it went much smoother, since he knew I wanted him to get it in there quickly. It didn't hurt at all, just a little stinging from the medication. Now, we've got this thing down.
This morning, I had to drive back to Layton for a blood draw. It was supposed to be a simple procedure, but it turned out to be the worst thing so far. When I sat down while Nurse Amy got out the supplies, she told me that the "good" needles they usually use were on back order and I knew this wasn't going to go well. She stuck me twice in the only vein in my left arm that anyone can usually get, with no blood return. Neither of those two sticks were at all pleasant either. I'm starting to get used to being stuck all the time. I've probably had blood drawn 7-10 times just since January in anticipation of this cycle, but I still don't like it. Nurse Amy then had the other nurse come back to see if she could get the job done. She looked at my other arm and as per usual, didn't think there was anything worth sticking there. I've almost never been able to give any blood from that side. She went back to my left arm and decided to try a second, deeper vein on the inside of my elbow joint. I was afraid this was gonna be bad too, but luckily, she got it on the first, not-horribly-painful stick and finally got the stupid blood.
Once that was done, it was back to Logan to start my shift typing. I had to wait for a few hours to get the results that would tell me if my body was responding properly to the medication or not, and what my instructions would be for today. Finally, at 3 p.m., Amy called and said she was sorry it was so difficult to get the blood, but that in spite of that, it was good news. My body was producing estrogen right on track, and I am to stay on the same dose (7 vials of Bravelle) for today and tomorrow. Friday, I go back in for another blood draw and an ultrasound. She told me we would be able to tell more closely if the follicles were looking right and probably be able to tell how many more days of stimulation I would need.
Austin says he can't believe it is all happening so fast. I guess I don't know what is fast about 3 years of trying for a baby, blood draws that take 15 minutes, and weeks of injecting hormones into my body.... I'm glad it is all happening though! It is definitely exciting to think that if this cycle works, I could be pregnant in a few weeks!
That being said. Today is the third day of my shots for my first round of IVF. My cycle started on Saturday night (Sunday being official day 1), so I called first thing Monday and got in. Anxiety started to set in as I waited for my appointment, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and cause us to delay yet another cycle. They took me right back when I arrived at the clinic, and I am always grateful for that. There is nothing worse on your nerves than hanging out in a waiting room before something this important. Dr. S did the baseline ultrasound...Left ovary looks good, 9 follicles! YAY! Then onto the right ovary, my heart sank as I saw the big cyst located there. I have had them monitored before, so I knew what I was looking for. Dr. S also looked concerned, but said maybe it was not producing estrogen (i.e. just a leftover cyst from where I had ovulated that month), and that we would check the blood work. If there was nothing wrong, I was to start my injections that night. Simple blood draw and I would be out of there.
I left the clinic not really relieved, but hopeful that we would not have to cancel. I told Austin what was going on and went home. I watched my phone anxiously for the next few hours, and as they went on and no phone call came by 5:00 p.m., I was ecstatic. That meant we could start my medications! I checked the online portal where the lab results are posted, and my estrogen level was 73.7. He said anything under 80 and I could start!
That night we mixed up 7 vials of the Bravelle medication and had our first attempt at injecting it. I can't watch the needle go into my skin, or I get sick, so I looked away while he did it. He got the needle in fast and painlessly, but then took FOREVER pushing in the meds. I don't know exactly how long it took, but I know I asked if it was over yet 5 times, so it was at least THAT long. It didn't hurt much, just stung a little. Way easier than I thought it would be. I just get anxious knowing there is a needle in me. The area of the shot (lower stomach fat) feels a little bruised, but it doesn't look bruised. We switched to the other side for yesterday's shot and it went much smoother, since he knew I wanted him to get it in there quickly. It didn't hurt at all, just a little stinging from the medication. Now, we've got this thing down.
This morning, I had to drive back to Layton for a blood draw. It was supposed to be a simple procedure, but it turned out to be the worst thing so far. When I sat down while Nurse Amy got out the supplies, she told me that the "good" needles they usually use were on back order and I knew this wasn't going to go well. She stuck me twice in the only vein in my left arm that anyone can usually get, with no blood return. Neither of those two sticks were at all pleasant either. I'm starting to get used to being stuck all the time. I've probably had blood drawn 7-10 times just since January in anticipation of this cycle, but I still don't like it. Nurse Amy then had the other nurse come back to see if she could get the job done. She looked at my other arm and as per usual, didn't think there was anything worth sticking there. I've almost never been able to give any blood from that side. She went back to my left arm and decided to try a second, deeper vein on the inside of my elbow joint. I was afraid this was gonna be bad too, but luckily, she got it on the first, not-horribly-painful stick and finally got the stupid blood.
Once that was done, it was back to Logan to start my shift typing. I had to wait for a few hours to get the results that would tell me if my body was responding properly to the medication or not, and what my instructions would be for today. Finally, at 3 p.m., Amy called and said she was sorry it was so difficult to get the blood, but that in spite of that, it was good news. My body was producing estrogen right on track, and I am to stay on the same dose (7 vials of Bravelle) for today and tomorrow. Friday, I go back in for another blood draw and an ultrasound. She told me we would be able to tell more closely if the follicles were looking right and probably be able to tell how many more days of stimulation I would need.
Austin says he can't believe it is all happening so fast. I guess I don't know what is fast about 3 years of trying for a baby, blood draws that take 15 minutes, and weeks of injecting hormones into my body.... I'm glad it is all happening though! It is definitely exciting to think that if this cycle works, I could be pregnant in a few weeks!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Roadblock
I started my period today, which was supposed to be the start of my first IVF cycle, but when I called the clinic they informed me that their lab was closing for 2 weeks and that there was no possible way we could do this cycle. I don't know why they didn't bother to tell me that sooner, but it is what it is. I'm spending the day/week pissed off, but it looks like we won't be starting for another 4 weeks. I see no upside to this.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
We're cookin now!
My last post was pretty hopeful about starting right away, but it turns out we hit a bump in the road. I didn't really want to update until we were actually a little closer to starting our cycle, so here's what has happened since then!
The snag we hit to starting our cycle last time ended up being with the genetic testing. Austin and I both came back positive for the same gene mutation, so Dr. S wanted us to get some genetic counseling, so we would know how this would affect our outcomes before proceeding. Unfortunately, that took a few days to get scheduled, so we ended up having to wait a whole extra cycle. The genetic counselor was really nice though, and she basically told us, of all the things we tested for, the mutation we had was the least worrisome we could have. We are positive for a gene that causes hemochromatosis, which is where the baby's body could store too much iron. She said we only had a 25% chance of having a baby with the disorder -- since we are both only carriers ourselves -- and if so, the baby would only have a 2% chance of developing symptoms, which wouldn't appear until their 40s-50s, and even then, it is very treatable. They would just have to get their iron levels checked every so often and if they started getting high, they would do a phlebotomy to get them back to normal.
All in all, we aren't too worried about it, and Dr. S didn't seem to be either, but he just wanted us to get all the information so we knew what we were dealing with. A tiny chance of a not so horrible condition that is treatable is not a dealbreaker for us, nor is it something we would pay thousands extra to test for before implantation. So, the next cycle was a go ahead! We have just spent the last few weeks waiting and waiting to start. Luckily, Austin has been so busy with school and work that he hardly noticed. I wish my job was so distracting that I didn't notice either.
For anyone who doesn't know, I've done medical transcription for about 10 years, and at this point, I'm pretty good at typing on autopilot while my mind drifts off to worryville. I worry about not getting any eggs, or not having any fertilize, or having no embryos make it to implantation. You know, the stuff everyone worries about at this stage in the game, but more so for me, since they basically told me my chances are quite a bit lower than normal. Even though the doctor said we can still have a good chance, the fact that we didn't qualify for ANY of the multicycle discounts (especially the moneyback guarantee one) kind of speaks for itself on what they think of my abilities to get pregnant!
I just keep having faith that everything works out for a reason, and that things are just working out too perfectly for this not to work.
Last Saturday (a week ago), we went to the class where they talked all about what to expect from your cycle, how to mix medications, and how to give the injections. I was absolutely ecstatic when they told us that their clinic generally no longer uses the progesterone in oil shots, and opts for a much more convenient suppository option. I had resigned myself to the subcutaneous injections, but I had still been psyching myself up for the 1 1/2 inch IM injections that would be given starting after the transfer.....all the way to week 12 of pregnancy. I am soooooo glad we won't be doing that. The class was somewhat informative, but after all the research I had been doing on the Internet, I knew a lot of it already. The medication mixing doesn't seem too difficult, and once we get through the first couple shots, my guess is Austin will be a pro and I can get through the rest no problem.
While we were there, we paid the rest of the money to start our first cycle. After checking and double checking, and then having their billing department triple check for us, all finally came to the agreement that we have the best infertility benefits they have EVER seen. Our insurance covers 90% of any treatment with no prequalifications, up to $25,000, so even though we didn't qualify for the money back guarantee, our insurance will cover 2 1/2 tries. Hopefully we don't make it to #3, but if we do, it will only cost us a few thousand dollars, instead of 10+. Also another bonus we found out about is that since our medication coverage is separate from our insurance, the medication costs don't go towards the 25K, which is HUGE because medication for one cycle can cost upwards of $3500-4000. So after all said and done, we paid an estimated coinsurance of $1000 for our first cycle.
Then, it came time to order medications. The clinic calls and orders them, and then Medco calls us to confirm and get payment. So for all our medications for the first cycle, the total came to $187 and some change. I have never spent so much on medication in my life, but oh my word, it is better than $3500. I can honestly say this would not be happening if not for the blessing of this insurance we were able to get. Austin's job at Thermo is a gift that literally keeps on giving. It has blessed our lives in soooo many ways, starting with immediate tuition reimbursement all the way to IVF insurance, with a million other benefits in between.
To recap, that is a total out of pocket expense so far for this cycle of $1187 of the estimated $13,000 this cycle will actually cost. I'm amazed at how blessed we are!
Well the medications showed up today and I was amazed at how much stuff was in the boxes. There were 5 separate boxes, and an overwhelming amount of medication, needles, syringes, alcohol wipes, etc. inside. I am kind of glad all of it arrived about a week before we are actually going to start, because its going to take some preparation on my part to know all of that is going to be inside of me by the end of a month! I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!
Here is a few pictures of all the fun that arrived on my doorstep this morning:
Austin was cracking up at the box that said "Do not use if you are pregnant or planning pregancy." Um, what??
So basically, we are just waiting for my next cycle to start, which if it is on schedule, will be in about 4-5 days from now, and then we will be doing baseline ultrasounds and getting the injection schedule. I am apprehensive and excited at the same time. I'm exrehensive! I'm just trying to be excited about every part of this journey. I feel like being excited to try something scary and new will fill me with happy emotions, rather than resigned, sad, "why is this happening to me" emotions, which can ONLY be better for the baby, right??
Here's to hoping this cycle stays on track, and that everything looks good on my first ultrasound to go ahead!
The snag we hit to starting our cycle last time ended up being with the genetic testing. Austin and I both came back positive for the same gene mutation, so Dr. S wanted us to get some genetic counseling, so we would know how this would affect our outcomes before proceeding. Unfortunately, that took a few days to get scheduled, so we ended up having to wait a whole extra cycle. The genetic counselor was really nice though, and she basically told us, of all the things we tested for, the mutation we had was the least worrisome we could have. We are positive for a gene that causes hemochromatosis, which is where the baby's body could store too much iron. She said we only had a 25% chance of having a baby with the disorder -- since we are both only carriers ourselves -- and if so, the baby would only have a 2% chance of developing symptoms, which wouldn't appear until their 40s-50s, and even then, it is very treatable. They would just have to get their iron levels checked every so often and if they started getting high, they would do a phlebotomy to get them back to normal.
All in all, we aren't too worried about it, and Dr. S didn't seem to be either, but he just wanted us to get all the information so we knew what we were dealing with. A tiny chance of a not so horrible condition that is treatable is not a dealbreaker for us, nor is it something we would pay thousands extra to test for before implantation. So, the next cycle was a go ahead! We have just spent the last few weeks waiting and waiting to start. Luckily, Austin has been so busy with school and work that he hardly noticed. I wish my job was so distracting that I didn't notice either.
For anyone who doesn't know, I've done medical transcription for about 10 years, and at this point, I'm pretty good at typing on autopilot while my mind drifts off to worryville. I worry about not getting any eggs, or not having any fertilize, or having no embryos make it to implantation. You know, the stuff everyone worries about at this stage in the game, but more so for me, since they basically told me my chances are quite a bit lower than normal. Even though the doctor said we can still have a good chance, the fact that we didn't qualify for ANY of the multicycle discounts (especially the moneyback guarantee one) kind of speaks for itself on what they think of my abilities to get pregnant!
I just keep having faith that everything works out for a reason, and that things are just working out too perfectly for this not to work.
Last Saturday (a week ago), we went to the class where they talked all about what to expect from your cycle, how to mix medications, and how to give the injections. I was absolutely ecstatic when they told us that their clinic generally no longer uses the progesterone in oil shots, and opts for a much more convenient suppository option. I had resigned myself to the subcutaneous injections, but I had still been psyching myself up for the 1 1/2 inch IM injections that would be given starting after the transfer.....all the way to week 12 of pregnancy. I am soooooo glad we won't be doing that. The class was somewhat informative, but after all the research I had been doing on the Internet, I knew a lot of it already. The medication mixing doesn't seem too difficult, and once we get through the first couple shots, my guess is Austin will be a pro and I can get through the rest no problem.
While we were there, we paid the rest of the money to start our first cycle. After checking and double checking, and then having their billing department triple check for us, all finally came to the agreement that we have the best infertility benefits they have EVER seen. Our insurance covers 90% of any treatment with no prequalifications, up to $25,000, so even though we didn't qualify for the money back guarantee, our insurance will cover 2 1/2 tries. Hopefully we don't make it to #3, but if we do, it will only cost us a few thousand dollars, instead of 10+. Also another bonus we found out about is that since our medication coverage is separate from our insurance, the medication costs don't go towards the 25K, which is HUGE because medication for one cycle can cost upwards of $3500-4000. So after all said and done, we paid an estimated coinsurance of $1000 for our first cycle.
Then, it came time to order medications. The clinic calls and orders them, and then Medco calls us to confirm and get payment. So for all our medications for the first cycle, the total came to $187 and some change. I have never spent so much on medication in my life, but oh my word, it is better than $3500. I can honestly say this would not be happening if not for the blessing of this insurance we were able to get. Austin's job at Thermo is a gift that literally keeps on giving. It has blessed our lives in soooo many ways, starting with immediate tuition reimbursement all the way to IVF insurance, with a million other benefits in between.
To recap, that is a total out of pocket expense so far for this cycle of $1187 of the estimated $13,000 this cycle will actually cost. I'm amazed at how blessed we are!
Well the medications showed up today and I was amazed at how much stuff was in the boxes. There were 5 separate boxes, and an overwhelming amount of medication, needles, syringes, alcohol wipes, etc. inside. I am kind of glad all of it arrived about a week before we are actually going to start, because its going to take some preparation on my part to know all of that is going to be inside of me by the end of a month! I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!
Here is a few pictures of all the fun that arrived on my doorstep this morning:
Austin was cracking up at the box that said "Do not use if you are pregnant or planning pregancy." Um, what??
So basically, we are just waiting for my next cycle to start, which if it is on schedule, will be in about 4-5 days from now, and then we will be doing baseline ultrasounds and getting the injection schedule. I am apprehensive and excited at the same time. I'm exrehensive! I'm just trying to be excited about every part of this journey. I feel like being excited to try something scary and new will fill me with happy emotions, rather than resigned, sad, "why is this happening to me" emotions, which can ONLY be better for the baby, right??
Here's to hoping this cycle stays on track, and that everything looks good on my first ultrasound to go ahead!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
A Lot Of Information To Process
I haven't felt like writing anything for a while. I've mainly been processing all the information we have been given in the last few weeks. On January 18th, we met with Dr. Swelstad. He didn't seem to know why we couldn't get pregnant and didn't want to go straight to IVF, so we agreed to do some baseline lab work and do an IUI this cycle.
A couple of days later, I got my blood drawn for my OAR or ovarian assessment report and then started on femara for my IUI cycle. The femara side effects weren't as bad as the clomid, but I did get some dizziness and blurry vision.
When the OAR came back, we finally had some answers, though they weren't very encouraging. It turns out I have a low egg reserve and Dr. Swelstad said I would definitely need to go straight to IVF if the IUI didn't work. After two weeks of waiting, aunt flow showed up right on time, so the IUI was indeed unsuccessful. During that time we talked to the billing department and found out that our insurance would cover two tries for IVF and we planned to start on the next group date, which was March 28th. Then, on the 21st of February we talked to the nurse again and they decided to change the plan and start on this cycle instead of starting birth control. If all goes well, I will be starting injections on Monday!
I am hoping everything stays on track, but so far things just seem to be falling into place. We are waiting to hear back about our genetic testing as well, but I am holding out faith that everything is going according to plan!
Monday, January 7, 2013
CoincidenTalbot
Austin and I decided to start this blog to document our journey to parenthood, however long that road may be. We know it is in the cards for us, so we're just doing everything we can to make that happen. January 2013 marks the beginning of our next step...
So far we have worked with a naturopath to balance all my hormones in hopes that getting everything that was just a little bit off in my system back on track would result in a pregnancy, but in a year of trying that method, we still have no baby. I do, however, feel a lot better. My body feels like it is functioning well and I no longer feel like I want to sleep all the time, so it definitely has done some good for me.
With much praying, we have never felt good about starting the process of adoption, which always seemed weird to me. The only answer I ever got was that I needed to learn patience from this experience. I know my Heavenly Father's plan for me is what is best, but I found myself sometimes wishing I just had a bit more of an idea of what that would entail. It has been a frustrating 2 years not being able to have what we have been praying for, when it seems like such a righteous desire. However, this past November, during open enrollment at Austin's work, they announced they would be offering a new plan that we should all take a look at and see if we wanted to stick with what we had or move to the new one. Whatever, we thought, we're satisfied with our plan. However, when going over the details of the new plan, we discovered they offered an infertility benefit, and a BIG one at that. We would be able to start the in vitro treatments we thought would have to wait until after Austin finished school and we could save up the many thousands of dollars it would cost. It seemed too good to be true.
We set to praying about this option right away, as we know it is not how Heavenly Father makes all families and we didn't want to go down that road if it wasn't for us. We both felt really good about where this road was taking us, and the earlier answers about not adopting and learning patience started to make sense. It makes me sure, now, that the timing of this blessing is not coincidental. The road ahead still seems daunting, and we don't know if this will result in a success for us, but we are both sure it is what we are supposed to do next.
As soon as we got the new insurance cards, we called to make sure there were no conditions or loopholes that would result in us not being covered for some reason, and we were assured that it covered all the procedures we would need to undergo. We feel so blessed to have this come into our lives right at this time, because as I have read about others' IVF journeys, many have not been so lucky and have had to secure financing in other ways, most of which inevitably slow treatments down.
We have an appointment to meet with our reproductive endocrinologist (RE) on the 18th, so I just have to hang tight for 10 more days. As of now, the tests I have undergone have all come back normal, other than just a bit of subclinical hypothyroidism that has now been regulated. I am sure they are going to want to do more testing on me and possibly on Austin (his test also came back looking fantastic), but so far, no one has been able to give me a clear reason as to why I can't seem to conceive. I have had an HSG, which is where they inject dye into your uterus looking for blockages, etc., and that was normal. I have also had some blood work, but I am sure there is still more to be done after our consult with the RE. Most likely, though, we will be headed toward in vitro, so I am psyching myself up for hormone shots and the scary idea of the egg retrieval procedure.
I am hopeful and apprehensive. I am also hoping to get Austin to write once in a while in here too, so we can get both sides of the story, but he is going to be very, very busy with school this semester, so I will give him a LITTLE bit of a break.
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