If the anxiety doesn't kill me!

I have started to have a little bit of nausea in the last few days, but it comes and goes.  There are other symptoms I am dealing with, too.  They all kind of suck, but at the same time, I freak out every time any of them go away.  All of my symptoms vanished right before I lost the last pregnancy, so I'm kind of terrified of that happening again.  I would rather be sick all day than wonder if it just disappeared again.  I know I will feel much better after my ultrasound next Thursday, but that is still 10 days away, which is like 1 million years to me.

My doctor told me I didn't need another beta level, because mine was so high, but I have been fighting off the urge to waste the gas driving to Layton to get one drawn anyway.  I haven't had any signs of miscarrying, and the bleeding never came back after the first day, before the positive test, so I know I'm just freaking myself out.  On Sunday, I just started freaking out for no reason.  I was just crying and telling Austin I was so scared something bad was going to happen, even though I didn't have any reason to think that other than the fact that ONLY bad things have happened so far.  He gave me a blessing and told me everything was going to be fine, and I instantly calmed down and my desire to skip going to church and drive straight to the Sandy Clinic and get a blood test right then went away.

Since then, I have tried to keep my anxiety levels under control, because I know its not good for the baby, but it is so hard.  I just have to keep myself busy.  Luckily we have a PuckerUp event Wed-Sat this week, so we will be pretty occupied.  I sort of wish I could get the ultrasound moved sooner, but my doctor is going to be out of town the beginning of next week, and also, with me being 7 weeks by then, we should definitely be able to see the heartbeat.  I think once I see that I will calm down a bit.  I just need this first trimester or "danger period" to go very quickly.