My Two PERFECT Little Ones

Today is the day after our embryo transfer.  I would have updated yesterday, but they gave me Valium before the procedure, which I have never had before, and it made me floppy and tired, so I spent the rest of the day sleeping that off.  Also, it didn't really even kick in until after the procedure was over, so I think if I had to do it again, I'd skip the Valium.

Anyways, we got to the clinic and the nurse explained all the stuff I'm supposed to do/not do after the procedure, and then the doctor came in.  We had Dr. Hatasaka again.  I like him a lot!  He told us how our embryos had done in the last 3 days.  He told us we had 2 excellent embryos, 2 fair, and 2 poor.  He was really excited that we had 2 excellent ones.  In the class we took before we started, they told everyone not to expect excellent embryos, because that hardly ever happens.  The usually get goods and fairs.  Dr. Hatasaka said they only see a few excellent ones a month at their clinic, so it was really awesome that two of ours were excellent.  We decided we wanted to implant both of them, and Dr. Hatasaka explained the risks of twins, etc., which I said I was fine with.  He said, "Okay with me.  I don't have to raise them."  Haha!

Then they took me back to the OR area where they set me up on the bed.  Then the embryologist came out of the lab and gave me the picture of the two we were going to implant, and he explained what they look for when grading them.  He said ours couldn't have been any better and he was really pleased with them.  He said he went ahead and did the "assisted hatching" procedure, which just gives them a little better chance of attaching once they're in there.

They told us also about a study done in Egypt, where they injected a small amount of hCG into the uterus just prior to implanting the embryos, which kind of triggers a cascade response from the lining to get ready for the embryos.  They said the study found a 10-11% increase in implantation that way, so they conducted the study here and found the same thing.  We were like, yeah! We'll do whatever will increase our chances, so they did that first.

Then, the embryologist brought the dish with our babies in it over to the microscope, which projected to a big TV monitor.  He made me check to make sure my name was on the dish and then showed us the two tiny dots that were my little 8-celled miracles.  He zoomed in a bit and we could see them a little closer, and then we watched as he sucked them into a little catheter.  He then brought that over to Dr. H, who put them into my uterus in the same place the hCG went.  They checked the catheter after to make sure they had for sure gotten them in there, and then it was all over!

The whole thing was pretty simple, but just overwhelming at the same time.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer and fasting, because I know the family fast we had before we started definitely made a difference.  We have been surprising the doctors at every step, by getting better results than they anticipated!  I am so excited to see what happens.

I have to wait 2 weeks to test, and they will do a beta a few days after that.  Autumn pointed out that 2 weeks would be exactly Mother's Day.  What a lovely present THAT would be!!  I hope this works, but if it doesn't, at least I have been through the entire process and I know I could do it again.  The first time is always the scariest, not knowing what each part will be like or do to your body.  I am pleased to report that it was much easier than I anticipated.  I am just a little wiped out from all the hormones, but not really any other side effects to report.

I am posting the picture they gave us at the clinic of our 2 perfect embryos. The little notches at the bottom are where they did the "assisted hatching."

I am so proud of these little guys!!  You can do it!  I am rooting for both of you!

Fertility Report

I wanted to post this on Friday, when the clinic called me, but I went to Boise with my mom and it was a crazy, fun weekend.  It honestly helped me keep my mind off of sitting at home worrying about my embryos!

Anyways, the fertilization report is:

10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 6 fertilized normally!  That is more than we were told we would get, so I am very happy.  Dr. S recommended a 3-day transfer still, since we only have 6 embryos and he didn't want to chance them not making it to day 5.   We are heading down there in a few minutes to get transferred, so we will know more about how they are doing now!  I am hopeful that they will all be healthy and we may get a couple or so to freeze, along with our transfer!

Egg retrieval day

Today was my egg retrieval!  Despite what the internet had to say about how awful it was, it really wasn't bad at all.  This morning, I woke up WAY too early.  I've been waking up earlier, just because of the sun coming up earlier lately, but it was still very much dark when my body decided I had had enough sleep.  Probably just nervous or something.  I got up and got ready, which didn't take much, since I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything and I also wasn't supposed to wear anything with a smell to it (lotion, hairspray, bodywash, perfume, etc).

We left a little early, so we could stop by my grandparents' house to drop off a birthday card for my grandpa.  His birthday was yesterday.  I wasn't sure how loopy I would be on the way home, so I wanted to make sure to get it there while still coherent.  Of course, we woke grandma  up, since it was only 8:30 and she likes to sleep in.  I'm with her.  When I get to retirement age, I will be sleeping in too.  It was nice to chat with them for a while, even if Grandma did stress me out a little by telling me how hard it is to get an IV in her.

Then, we were off to the clinic.  When we got there, they took Austin back to do his thing, but I'm not totally sure where.  A couple minutes later, they had me go back and talk to the nurse. She went over everything to make sure we were all on the same page with what we were doing, and then told me what I was to do/expect afterwards.  She made it sound just as terrifying as the internet did, so that was fun.  Then, she took me to the recovery room where I got to change into a fun hospital gown and chill for a while.  Austin came in a few minutes later.  I made him take a picture with me, since I looked so cute:

Okay, I guess replace the word cute with pasty, and that is a bit more accurate.

After we were in the recovery area for like 3-4 minutes, Dr. Hatasaka came in and introduced himself and told us what he expected to get.  I didn't know Dr. Swelstad wouldn't be doing my retrieval until we got there, but I was told it was a possibility, since I didn't start on a regular batch cycle (where they put everyone on birth control and start their stimulation the same day).  Anyway, for the literally 30 seconds I talked to Dr. H, he seemed super nice.  Then, I signed some paperwork for the anesthetist and he took me into the OR.  That room is a bit intimidating, so I'm glad I don't remember much from there.  The embryologist came out and introduced herself, though I do not remember what her name was.  Luckily, she made dang sure she knew my name and my husband's name and that they were clearly marked on all of our stuff!

The anesthetist told me he was going to start the IV and that would be the worst part.  He numbed my arm up a little first, so it didn't even hurt at all actually.  The IV went in super quick and easy.  The most stressful part for me about having an IV is just knowing there is something sticking into me.  Some kind of irrational fear.  So I was really glad that pretty much as soon as the IV was in, he started giving me the propofol and other lovely drugs.  He said, "Okay, you're getting the good stuff now, so don't freak out if you start seeing tie dye flowers on the ceiling or something."  And as soon as he said that, the lights started looking like they were on a treadmill, and I think I probably told them that.

Then....I was in the recovery room.  The nurse told me it was over and I was like...no, we didn't start yet.  Then I realized I was in the recovery room and Austin was there.  I was like, "AUSTIN!  How did I get in here???"  The operating table is stationary, and the recovery bed was in the other room, so I was very concerned as to how I got from one room to the other.  I don't know if I walked, someone wheeled me, or if they just carried me in there!  Austin couldn't help me either, because they didn't bring him in until I was waking up, so he doesn't know how I got there either.  Then, I told him like 5 times that the lights looked like there were on treadmills and then it was over.

I could feel the propofol wearing off.  It is a very short-acting drug, and I was kind of sad, because it just feels so good.  Luckily, the fentanyl and Demerol are not quite so short-acting.  They are pain killers, but I still expected SOME pain.  I kept pushing on my stomach and telling Austin I was sure we hadn't started yet, because it didn't even hurt.  I'm just glad waking up, I wasn't as silly as Bo was when he woke up after his wisdom teeth.   That made for seriously the most hilarious anesthesia video I have EVER seen.  He thought he was in a war and was trying to shoot bad guys and go on "missions" all the way home, including telling my mom she was a Russian spy and everything.  It was beyond hilarious.  So, at least I didn't do that.  Austin did take a picture of me all loopy though...thanks for that, Hon!

Yep, still pasty.  Get that girl some lip gloss.

So, after the drugs started wearing off, we were allowed to have a juice box and leave.  The report is they retrieved 10 eggs, but they won't know how many were mature until tomorrow.  They are going to call me in the morning with how many were mature and how many fertilized.  I expect 5 or so good ones.  I would be happy with 5.  Now we just have to pray they grow really well and make it to a 5-day transfer!  The hard part is over now.  You know, as long as you don't count sitting on your thumbs waiting around hard.  Different hard, I guess!

I am now about 8-9 hours out from the surgery and I still feel pretty good.  It actually hurt more to have my IUD put in, just for some comparison.  I don't know if I still have some pain killer in my system or not, but if this is as bad as it gets, I can definitely handle it.  Good job being wrong, Internet.

My first positive!

I had to upload this picture, because its the first.....and maybe only.....time I have ever seen one of these in real life!  Unfortunately, its only because of the HCG trigger shot we took last night.  They told me to test today just to make sure there is enough HCG in my system.  I think its sort of mean of them, though.  I've seen a whole bunch of these with only one line, so at least now I know my body is capable of making two lines happen!

Anyway, egg retrieval is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10:30.  I have read some stories about clinics that don't put you all the way out and them screaming through the entire thing, so I am glad that mine has the anesthetist who comes in to do that.  I imagine it will be somewhat like when I got my wisdom teeth out and I woke up at home with no knowledge of what happened.  That would be ideal.

During the past couple of weeks since we started the IVF, I have felt super calm and hopeful, but today the nerves started to set in.  I have been getting kind of anxious all day.  I read that the egg retrieval is the most unpleasant part of this whole experience, so I am not looking forward to that.  I am hoping for a quick, mostly painless recovery, because I am planning to spend the weekend in Boise with my mom.  I am also worried that they won't get enough eggs, or once they get a look at them, there won't be enough mature ones.  Or maybe, despite Dr. S saying he highly doubts it, I will have an egg quality issue and they won't fertilize.  It is really the moment of truth tomorrow, because we find out what is really going on, instead of what we hope/think based on the ultrasounds.

Along with my trigger shot last night, Dr. S had me do an extra 2 vials of Bravelle, hoping it would encourage those smaller follicles to catch up a little bit.  I am hoping for 6 good quality eggs, but I would be happy with 4-5.  I am kind of jealous of the people who get 10-15 eggs, because I likely won't ever have that happen, but I know I'm doing the best I can with what I have.  Dr. S says if everything in my body worked and responded the way it was supposed to, I probably wouldn't be here.  That is true!  I would be having my babies the regular way, instead of the high-tech way.

I have talked to Austin about this a lot, and we have kind of decided that some day we want to be able to give back and help someone else in this process somehow....maybe by setting up a grant or something.  You know, once he finally graduates and all.  Right now though, I have 12 vials of Bravelle left over and a few other things that I am hanging onto in case we need to do another cycle, but I will probably end up donating to the clinic/someone who needs it, if not.  The nurses at the clinic said that donated medications can be a huge blessing to people who don't have the coverage I have.  From what I can find, 12 vials of Bravelle runs about $5-600, so I can imagine that would be awfully helpful!

Well, here's to hoping tomorrow goes exactly the best it can go!

My lagging left ovary

Sunday, I went down to the Sandy Clinic for monitoring, because the Layton Clinic isn't open on Sundays.  The blood work looks good, right where he wants it to be, but as of Sunday, I have 3 follicles that are bigger than the rest, meaning those are probably going to be my only 3 good eggs retrieved.  He says if the others can catch up, we might be able to get a couple more out of them, but he didn't sound too confident about that.  Also, he said he wanted to see me every day now.

That means today, I drove down to Layton again to do another scan, and have yet another blood draw.  I'm really starting to look like a junky.  For everyone keeping track, that is 5 blood draws JUST THIS WEEK, out of the same two veins, because apparently my right arm is not going to cooperate.  I don't have too many irrational fears, mainly just spiders and needles.  But after this experience, I'm pretty sure its just spiders.  I'm becoming pro at needles whether I want to or not, between the lab work and the shots.  I'm still not to the point where I could give myself the shot, but one step at a time, right?  Plus, that's Austin's only job and he doesn't want to feel left out!

So today, the results were a bit the same.  Estrogen looks good, but the 3 larger follicles are probably the only ones we will get. He says sometimes they can get a good egg out of a 13-14 mm follicle, so I am praying the 12s on the right kick it into gear.  Dr. S says tomorrow is probably trigger day.  Lets all pray really hard that the 12s on the left can make it to 14 by tomorrow.  I still have about 12 follicles total, but only those 3 look like they will have good eggs.  My egg retrieval score was 4 in the beginning, meaning that we would most likely get 0-4 eggs (they usually want to get 8-15), so I guess I will be happy with just 3.  I had just hoped I would have enough to make it to a day 5 transfer.  That means I need at least 6 good ones.  I am just really pulling for those 3 good ones to do the best they can now, because we may not have many to choose from, and its looking like we may not get any to freeze.

I guess we can't let those 3 big ones get "too mature" while we let those others catch up.  I don't know what that means....they start wearing lipstick at 9 and and start dating some guy with a motorcycle at 13?  I guess that wouldn't be good!  He's probably right.

More pokes

Yesterday, I went back for my second ultrasound to check on how well my eggs are growing.  Dr. S was able to find 10 follicles, 5 on each side, and they are all about the same size.  He tells me that is good, because we want them all to get the same amount of hormone and grow at the same rate, which makes for good quality eggs.  Also, the cyst we saw on the first ultrasound is collapsing and getting smaller, which means it was most likely a corpus luteal cyst (leftover from last month's ovulation), rather than an estrogen-producing (hormone hogging) cyst that would inhibit the other follicles from growing as well.  All in all, I was happy with the news.  I was hoping we would still have as many follicles as we started with, but either 4 decided not to join in the egg-growing fun, or we just couldn't see them on this ultrasound.

After the lab work came back, Nurse Amy called and told me to stay on the same 7 vials of Bravelle, but cut the HCG in half and add half saline water.  Also, tonight I start on the Ganirelix, which keeps me from ovulating early.  That can't be mixed with the other stuff, so I will end up with 2 shots for the next few days.  Dr. S said he expected about 4 more days of shots before the HCG trigger shot, so about 9 days total, which is less than I was expecting.  The shot last night stung a lot more than usual.  I don't know if it is just because it was in a more tender spot, or if it was the extra salt from the saline solution.

Speaking of drawbacks/side effects to this whole process, I am happy to report that I thought this whole thing was going to be a lot worse.  The shots aren't horrible, and while I still have to look away while Austin gives me the injection, I am not getting anxious at all anymore.  The actual side effects from the hormones aren't bad at all either.  Femara was worse than this as far as dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, etc., and Clomid was even worse than Femara.  The shots haven't caused too much in the way of side effects at all so far.  I did notice I got sick easier at the gym a couple times, but when you lift heavy that tends to happen anyway.  I expect to be able to get a few more days in at the gym before I have to take it easy.  I have heard that another side effect tends to be a bloated feeling, caused by your ovaries getting bigger.  My follicles are now about 1 cm each, and there are 10 of them, so they are taking up about 10 cm more space than normal.  That will at least double by the end of this.  I can definitely feel them getting bigger, but it isn't painful and not even really what I would call uncomfortable.  I am actually really pleased with the lack of side effects so far.  That being said, and my lack of wood to knock on currently, I'll probably start having something horrible happen in the next day or so.

My dad did mention last night that he was a bit concerned that I was being so optimistic, and worried that if this first cycle didn't work out, I might be crushed.  I get that as a valid concern, but I told him I felt like I was fully aware of the distinct possibility that this cycle won't work and we'll have to try again.  However, I don't feel like the optimism is coming directly from me.  It is more coming from my ability to see the Lord's hand in this.  There have been far too many coincidences that led us to this time, this doctor, this insurance, and this specific cycle for me to ignore that.   I do understand that this might be all to teach me something and I may have to go through more than one cycle, but I do know there is a baby waiting for us at the end of this and its hard to get discouraged by any setbacks or thoughts of multiple tries when you know that it will all work out how it is supposed to.

My dad also gave me a blessing before any of this started and among many wonderful things that were said, including promising that there are children in our future one way or another, he told me that I knew about and chose to accept this trial before I came to this earth, knowing full well how hard it would be and what was at the other end.  That one thing sparked two separate emotions in me.  On the one side, it made me aware of how strong I am and how strong my Heavenly Father knows I am to be able to go through this.  It caused me to feel His love and pride in me that he knows what I am capable of.  On the other side, it made me feel guilty for all the times I blamed God for being uncaring about what he was doing to me.  If only I could have realized that I had an equal part to play in giving myself this trial!  I must have known what growth it would inspire in me.  Not even being all the way through it yet, I have already seen my compassion for others grow, as well as my closeness to my Heavenly Father as He blesses my life through this struggle.  I know I had to work through many struggles earlier in my life, in order to really appreciate my husband, and I know this is the same.  Not that I would ever take the miracle of a child for granted, but having to struggle to get those little spirits here, I have a new respect for the blessing that is motherhood.

I also want to mention that I know how much of a blessing it is to have my husband with me through this struggle.  Because this problem, from what we can tell so far, is all because of my body problems, this would have been a situation I had to struggle through no matter who I had chosen for a mate.  However, I know that Austin is the best person for me to be with, and that he would be the most complementary person for me to face life's challenges with.  He is and has been my support and my strength through every challenge we have had to face since being married.  Granted, this is the biggest struggle so far, but we have helped each other through many other things before this, and we will continue to do so in the future.  He is the outlet for my frustrations when things don't go the way I planned (and anyone who knows me, knows I like to be in control in every situation, and I have little tolerance for surprises or setbacks to my "plan").  He is the voice of reason when I am sure each setback must be a sign for us to stop.  He is there to hug me and comfort me when despair seems overwhelming.  Also, he is the one I want to share every excitement and every joy with, every time something goes right or something falls into place.  It reminds me how much of a blessing and design of the Lord it was for me to end up with him!

After all that rambling (I was just going to update on the doctor visit!), I have to conclude that yes, this may not work.  It may take more than one try, but I'm ready for it.  I know that I can do it now.  That being said, I sure hope it works before we use up our entire insurance benefit!!

Finally getting somewhere

I should have posted this earlier, and I promised myself that I would document this every step of the way, so I would know exactly what I did in case I have to do it again, and so I could help others in the future, so I am sorry for neglecting my blog the last few days, when finally something is happening.

That being said.  Today is the third day of my shots for my first round of IVF.  My cycle started on Saturday night (Sunday being official day 1), so I called first thing Monday and got in.  Anxiety started to set in as I waited for my appointment, thinking of all the things that could go wrong and cause us to delay yet another cycle.  They took me right back when I arrived at the clinic, and I am always grateful for that.  There is nothing worse on your nerves than hanging out in a waiting room before something this important.  Dr. S did the baseline ultrasound...Left ovary looks good, 9 follicles!  YAY!  Then onto the right ovary, my heart sank as I saw the big cyst located there.  I have had them monitored before, so I knew what I was looking for.  Dr. S also looked concerned, but said maybe it was not producing estrogen (i.e. just a leftover cyst from where I had ovulated that month), and that we would check the blood work.  If there was nothing wrong, I was to start my injections that night.  Simple blood draw and I would be out of there.

I left the clinic not really relieved, but hopeful that we would not have to cancel.  I told Austin what was going on and went home.  I watched my phone anxiously for the next few hours, and as they went on and no phone call came by 5:00 p.m., I was ecstatic.  That meant we could start my medications!  I checked the online portal where the lab results are posted, and my estrogen level was 73.7.  He said anything under 80 and I could start!

That night we mixed up 7 vials of the Bravelle medication and had our first attempt at injecting it.  I can't watch the needle go into my skin, or I get sick, so I looked away while he did it.  He got the needle in fast and painlessly, but then took FOREVER pushing in the meds.  I don't know exactly how long it took, but I know I asked if it was over yet 5 times, so it was at least THAT long.  It didn't hurt much, just stung a little.  Way easier than I thought it would be.  I just get anxious knowing there is a needle in me.  The area of the shot (lower stomach fat) feels a little bruised, but it doesn't look bruised.  We switched to the other side for yesterday's shot and it went much smoother, since he knew I wanted him to get it in there quickly.  It didn't hurt at all, just a little stinging from the medication.  Now, we've got this thing down.

This morning, I had to drive back to Layton for a blood draw.  It was supposed to be a simple procedure, but it turned out to be the worst thing so far.  When I sat down while Nurse Amy got out the supplies, she told me that the "good" needles they usually use were on back order and I knew this wasn't going to go well. She stuck me twice in the only vein in my left arm that anyone can usually get, with no blood return.  Neither of those two sticks were at all pleasant either.  I'm starting to get used to being stuck all the time.  I've probably had blood drawn 7-10 times just since January in anticipation of this cycle, but I still don't like it.  Nurse Amy then had the other nurse come back to see if she could get the job done.  She looked at my other arm and as per usual, didn't think there was anything worth sticking there.  I've almost never been able to give any blood from that side.  She went back to my left arm and decided to try a second, deeper vein on the inside of my elbow joint.  I was afraid this was gonna be bad too, but luckily, she got it on the first, not-horribly-painful stick and finally got the stupid blood.

Once that was done, it was back to Logan to start my shift typing.  I had to wait for a few hours to get the results that would tell me if my body was responding properly to the medication or not, and what my instructions would be for today.  Finally, at 3 p.m., Amy called and said she was sorry it was so difficult to get the blood, but that in spite of that, it was good news.  My body was producing estrogen right on track, and I am to stay on the same dose (7 vials of Bravelle) for today and tomorrow.  Friday, I go back in for another blood draw and an ultrasound.  She told me we would be able to tell more closely if the follicles were looking right and probably be able to tell how many more days of stimulation I would need.

Austin says he can't believe it is all happening so fast.  I guess I don't know what is fast about 3 years of trying for a baby, blood draws that take 15 minutes, and weeks of injecting hormones into my body....  I'm glad it is all happening though!  It is definitely exciting to think that if this cycle works, I could be pregnant in a few weeks!